Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
