and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
