Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
