I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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