This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Found the puke drawer
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
