i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
