Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
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