Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
