I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Everything about him screamed your future.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
