i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
