she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
