i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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