she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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