i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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