The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Sext me about skeletons
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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