I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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