i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
