stop calling my apartment porn island.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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