you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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