dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
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Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
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Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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