Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
