Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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