i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
