God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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