oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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