I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
