"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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