I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
someone owes me an orgasm
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
