Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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