He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
