Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I need to stop coming to work sober
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
