DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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