TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
