Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
