so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Who put my cat in the fridge?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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