I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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