you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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