I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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