FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
