Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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