Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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