I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
