so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
