Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
