i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
