I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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