I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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