you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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