definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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