woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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