I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
