i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
