i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
