I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
