Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Randomize
