When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
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We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
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I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
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