just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
