He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
