I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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