and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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