i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
