they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
