Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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