what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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