I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
