You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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