I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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