K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
