Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
