woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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