Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
