; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I stole a fireplace last night.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
